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Medical
Mishaps
Sometimes
the truth is more amusing than fiction..........
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have
her baby
in the cab! The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the
cab,
lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off her underwear.
Suddenly
he notices that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong
one.
********
A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths,"
instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be," remarked
the patient.
*********
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had
died of a "massive internal fart."
*********
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read
the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless
read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the
large E
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
exactly what I
had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I
was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
*********
A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the
patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with
me. This is
only a one-seater!"
*********
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist,
he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of
his
medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The
patch". The nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out
of places to put it!" The doctor had him quickly undress
and discovered
what he hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on
his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
before
applying a new one.
*********
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered, "Why not for about twenty
years-when my husband was alive."
*********
And of course, the best is saved for last....
A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So
how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except
for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet
labeled.... ...."KY Jelly
[Submitted by K.A. Brink, RN]
Cute
Angina?
A
doctor came out of a patient's room. So the nurse went in to
check
on her patient. There she found the husband scratching his head
and
frowning. "What's wrong?" asked the nurse.
"Well, I don't think that doctor knows what he's talking
about." The husband
said. "Oh, Really?" Replied the nurse. "Yeah, He
said my wife has acute angina.
And I've seen it!""
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